Imagine yourself walking down a hallway. A person is coming toward you and as you pass each other you blurt out the familiar phrase “Hi, how are you?” It’s second nature to respond with “I’m good, thank you.” Or something like “I’m doing well, how about yourself?” Or you might say “I’m living the dream!” As a society we have all become so conditioned to outwardly appear a certain way to others.
Let’s take a moment to talk about posting on social media accounts. What are the moments that we all want to capture with the flash of a camera? It’s to document those exciting times like going out to drinks with your girls, the day your daughter graduates from college, or when you become a proud grandfather for the first time. We post on social media to share with others those special moments in our lives. We portray more often than not that our lives are one good time after another.
May is Mental Health Awareness month. Sadly, there is still a very real stigma surrounding mental health. If we need help or take the initiative to take care of our emotional health we are often seen as weak by others. Throughout our days we are constantly bombarded with messages of being perfect or always having that positive attitude. It is exhausting.
What if I am not okay? Can we take some time to sit in that? If my emotions make you uncomfortable, imagine what it must feel like for me. When I was first diagnosed especially, many people said things to me like ‘stay positive’ ‘it could be worse’ or my personal favorite ‘god only gives us what we can handle.’ I realize that people are just trying to help, but statements like these can be very damaging and dangerous.
Living this life that I have lived with diagnosis has been very hard, putting it mildly. I refuse to sugar coat it. I am not stating this fact to get pity, admiration or attention. I say this because I am a realist. Having a range of emotions when learning to harness an illness is not only appropriate, but absolutely necessary. This is why toxic positivity can be just that. Toxic. I don’t want to tell you only what you want to hear. Let me be clear… I absolutely have optimism, faith and goals for my life. My diagnosis is a part of who I am but it is not who I am at my very core. To really learn to love that part of ourselves we need to feel supported and not stifled. This goes for everyone, not just those who may have a chronic illness.
My face is smiling… does this mean I am happy? The eyes tell us a million times more than a smile ever does. I want to continue this conversation around mental health because it is so often minimized. It took several years for me to start to talk about my illness. I wanted so badly to keep up with my peers. I thought maybe if I didn’t acknowledge that part of myself that I could just ignore it and push past it. BIG mistake! It just got bigger, heavier and more painful. Working through my emotions is providing a lightness. It sounds cliché but growth comes when we can learn to love all the parts of ourselves. So, am I happy? I will answer you honestly. I’ll say I’m working on it. That’s real. That’s honest. That’s honoring all the parts of myself.
I want to thank all of those who sit with myself and my fellow Warriors to hear all parts of us!!!