I’ll Take The Stairs

“No man is an island entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main.” -John Donne

I learn this over and over again with each day. Before my diagnosis, I was so driven to succeed and I saw my path as a mental health therapist to help others. I created this direction in my life and was so proud to have built it on my own so efficiently. I was so alive with promise and self-confidence. I was ready for my career, to make my parents proud, to make myself proud.

All of that was swept away with one phone call that shifted my entire being.

I couldn’t see it at the time, but reflecting back I had options.

Option one was to lay on the floor in this unfamiliar building that I was violently thrown into. Do nothing, say nothing, feel nothing. Creating no meaning of this experience in my life. Allowing myself to become an island without growth. Continuing to watch others move beyond me, further away, as I remain stagnant blending into the edges of the floor.

Option two I could get up off the floor and walk into an elevator. Alone. It is secure. It is predictable. It has a methodical way of getting you to a specific floor. I push the button and I effortlessly get taken to whatever floor I choose. This requires little mental effort and I can choose to keep the door closed while I wait for this machine to do its work. I am not an island. No. I need others to help make my elevator function. Because no matter how much I may want it to go up, I do not go anywhere without several mechanics.  

Option three I could start at the bottom of that floor and take the stairs. I look up and I start to sweat as I see the staircase and its winding features. The staircase is unpredictable and seems to have no end in sight. It reminds me of the complexities of the human mind. The curves of the steps are the curves in my mind never linear and ever changing. The railing serves as my support. I know it’s there if I need to slow down, stop, or refuel. The railing is my therapist, my friend, my family. I do not know who or what I will come across when I take the stairs. With every step I remind myself…I am not an island.

Are the stairs mentally and physically exhausting? Absolutely. Are the stairs more difficult than taking an elevator? Yes, without a doubt. I believe to become the best version of the self we must do the hard work, confront the obstacles and celebrate the victories along the way. To really recognize within yourself when it’s time to take steps and when its time to rest by grabbing that railing by your side. Even though my progress has been wiped away many times throwing me back down on the ground floor, I will always start again by taking the stairs. Every single time. I’ll take the stairs. Side note…I’m getting great calves!!!