She gets up again with faith and fire in her heart.
My last post was early April, so I grant myself grace as I slowly slip back into the rhythm of writing. For those of you who may not know, I took some time away from blogging because my grandmother passed in early April, and then five weeks later my grandfather followed her. There is never a good time to lose a loved one, but the added stress of Covid-19 came with many more levels of grief for my family and I. I was quarantined during that time like many of my other friends with pre-existing health conditions. But, when that phone call came for us to come to the hospital to say goodbye to my grandmother I was at the hospital without hesitation.
Even though she had just celebrated her 90th birthday, we were not expecting her to leave us…she was tough, a fighter, and still sharp as a tack! Five weeks and one day later, my grandfather left to be with his beloved. I believe that he died of a broken heart. He just didn’t want to be without her.
When I was in the hospital room with my grandma, I prayed. I told God that I wasn’t ready to let go, but if she needed to go, I understood. I understand that my grandpa needed to be with his wife, needed to hold her hand again. Grief comes in many forms of emotions. It is not linear. I am no grief counselor. However, I do know that it is important to allow yourself the space to feel whatever emotions that do come up for you.
What is my point to all of this? I took time away from writing to take care of myself. As all of my fellow warriors know, extra stress mentally or physically is not optimal if you have a health condition. I recognized in myself that I needed to take a step back and focus on my family. So, when those external pressures start to stack up from those around us… remember whose race you are running on that track. You are in charge of the pace, You can decide to stop for a bit to rest. Hell, You Own the damn arena! Be kind to yourself and to others. Some of us may be fighting battles that are not seen by the physical eye. The Strong reserve the right to fall apart from time to time, this does not show weakness. This shows humanness.
As She starts again…She will rise.