The white page is blank. The space bar is blinking seemingly begging you to write the words in the space. I format the page using a legible font and size to describe myself to the professional world. How do I display a life in such a way that will stand out? The competition around me is fierce and I feel like a piece of pray surrounded by lions. You start to question yourself. Do I know this part of myself? Is she still buried somewhere underneath all the scars and pain she knows all too well. The purpose of the resume is to show people what you have done and what you can bring to the table. However, if you read between the lines on the formatted page, this is where I reside.
If you were to look at my resume you would see gaps of employment. “Why were you unemployed during this time?” My hands clammy and throat starts to dry up. Am I supposed to lie? Tell you that I took some time off to “find myself” or that I spent that time backpacking through Europe? Full disclosure, I have skirted around the subject and also taken the risk of telling a future employer the truth regarding my bumpy job history.
I have learned that I cannot hide this part of who I am. For so long, I continuously fought against acceptance of my diagnosis. Through time and introspection I have learned to let go. Instead of fighting this tsunami, I lean into it. I have never been an overly religious person, but living this life now has opened me up to trusting in something bigger than myself.
This diagnosis was given to me for a reason, and that reason is still unfolding with each passing day. The energy it takes to fight against something is exhausting. The energy it takes to lean into it is far easier. I used to feel ashamed and resentful of my illness because it took so much from me. Now, I acknowledge it and work with it to heal myself and hopefully help others who struggle in similar ways. It has become lovingly woven into my identity as a strong young woman.
Listing the qualities you have on a bulleted piece of paper does not sum up who we are as human beings. The real strengths we acquire happen outside of that 8.5 x 11 resume. So, on paper you may see a candidate with unemployment gaps. I see a young woman who fights everyday to find her place in this world when circumstance took her away for a little while. I am still here. Still smart, capable, passionate and gritty as hell. Don’t just gloss over the words on the page. See me and the fight that’s still there deep inside.
You are so strong and courageous. Thanks for always sharing your heart.
Thank you for saying that Jen! I really want to be honest and show all of these areas that are on my heart. I really appreciate your kindness. Thank you for continuing to read my journey.
I love the idea of a blog and sharing your aplastic anemia and PNH experiences. I am a writer and news reporter. I thought often of writing a blog, because there is such unknown territory with two diagnoses and wondering where it goes. There is no compass through autoimmune diseases and bone marrow failure. People are not familiar with these blood disorders. How did you get by without work? That may good points to add as well since people may wonder how bills are paid with a chronic condition. Stay well and healthy. Keep blogging.
Hi Sonia, thank you so much for reading and your kind words! It is great to meet a fellow writer! You are so right that there is no compass through this journey. So, are you a PNH/AA patient yourself? As far as the gaps in employment goes, I currently live at home with my mother who helps support me. I am not in a position financially to be on my own. I also get unemployment as a small source of income. Thank you again for your encouragement! I will for sure keep it up! You Be Well too!
Thank you for sharing your precious knowledge. Just the right information I needed. By the way, check out my website at QH9 about Car Purchase.